Ready?

My blogging is about erratic as my moods. I feel sorry for this little online space of mine... But not as sorry as I am currently feeling for myself and my little boy.

Diabetes has been winning my pregnancy and I have changed medication dosages more times than I care to remember and then just as I thought there is actually a possibility that I could be winning my pregnancy instead, my sugar levels decided to give me a big toffee. Just because it can. So now we have more medicine to try and get this crazy ass bull under control. Dont ask about the side effects though. When I first started on the new dosage, without going into all the details, let's just say I was man down. As in, lying on the couch, hardly moving, eating, drinking, breathing, living. Eventually Shawn forced me to eat lunch and even slaved away in the kitchen for my benefit. Good man.

Worse off than my sugar issues, I have developed a bit of a high blood pressure issue. Where this comes from is anyones guess. Currently as we stand right now, I have to measure my BP for the next 3 days and send the results to my OBGYN on Monday morning and they will make a decision as whether to take Jared out next week or still leave him to bake until the 6th of October.

Am I ready? I dont know. I have a lot of mixed emotions. I am super excited to meet our precious little boy, but I am also rather scared. I guess thats pretty normal too though?

Everything is pretty much ready for his arrival. Just a few odds and ends here and there that need to be seen to, but for the most part, I think we've got this.

And because I dont have anything more to say, here are some pictures to end of this post

Room Decor

Dummy Chain (DIY)

Little People Clothes

36 Weeks

Maternity Shoot at 32 weeks

Still Nikki's favourite spot, even if there is no space

32

Greetings and Salutations!!! 

I clearly wasnt kidding when I said I wouldnt be blogging as often as I was.

I got asked on Facebook the other day if I'm still blogging... Erm, yeah, kind of, sort of, not really. 

So doing a quick catch up post has been in the back of my mind since. 

With that being said....Where are we at....?

Change

You guys! 32 weeks! I cant believe it. Feels like it was just yesterday when I was looking at those two pink lines and my whole world changed. Forever! And oh how it has.

Nesting / Hospital

The nesting process has begun. It was a slow gradual process of removing all my personal things from work, leaving only the necessaries that I would need. I go on maternity leave on 23 September, so with 21 working days left, I wanted to be prepared. 

As for nesting on the home front? Maybe I am in denial a little, but I havent done anything with regards to getting a hospital bag packed and I have yet to wash any of Jared's teeny little clothes. I should probably get on that. I was initially waiting until I went on maternity leave, but for the last few days, this overwhelming feeling to make sure I am ready sooner rather than later has been weighing on my shoulders and if I know life, it's got jokes, I should probably take heed. This weekend sounds like a good plan. 

To be fair, I have started making a list of all things that I need to take with to hospital, but I doubt my lists are going to help me if I need to get there in a hurry. 

This is the bag I have chosen for hospital. I saw it online and I know that Cotton On Body in Eastgate had one, hopefully it's still there this weekend. 

Kloof Mediclinic offer a complimentary hospital bag filled with goodies for baby, so I only need to take his clothes and blankets with. 

I also got this lovely baby bag from Dischem, (you can never have enough bags)

I pretty much have everything I need, only a few odds and ends and we're good to go. I think anyway, 

Scans

I went for my 4D scan at 28 weeks. Man, did this baby not want to show us his face. At all. 

I tried rubbing my tummy and asking him so nicely and all three times he covered his face with both his hands. Even the technician was shocked at how he responded. Too cute! He was sucking his umbilical cord, and yawning and sticking his tongue out. It was too precious. 

The last 2D scan at the check up we couldnt see anything again. Jared has moved quite low down and isnt budging. The gynae had to try and manipulate him out of postion to get a head measurement. A rather painful process. 

I go again on Friday. Hopefully we can see whats going on there. 

Selfies

I have pictures from every week documenting my growth. I was looking at some of them the other day. I cant believe how there is this little life growing inside of me. It's incredible. I will do a post document the journey at some point in this lifetime. 

Dad

Jared went through a phase where he wouldnt kick for anyone but me, but now, if he hears his Dad's voice or feels his hand on my tummy, he goes wild. It's kind of sweet. 

I've just been given a swift kick to the side, which means mister is hungry. I best get on that. 

'Til Next Time

Take me to the ocean

I'm craving the ocean right now. There is something about the enormity of the sea and the calming serenity of the sand and water on your feet.

The sea is my happy place, I seem to lose all sense of time and space and I can feel my soul shake at every time I breathe in the salt scented air. I need to go back. I need to want to go back. I need to lose myself to myself just one more time before I dive head first into motherhood.

I've really been neglecting my blog and aside from that, I'm struggling to write because I've changed. When someone I know fell pregnant a few years ago, I noticed almost immediately that she started changing and I couldn't understand why. I do now. Maybe this space isn't for me right now. This week, this month. Maybe writing on pregnancy isn't my forte, maybe writing (when I have the time of course) once baby is here and those experiences will be better. I cant promise to write every week like I used to but I wont be shutting this baby down. I'll just leave her to hibernate a little and let her spring to life once in a while. I miss blogging. I do, but content lacks.

Also, things on the health front have been difficult lately.  Pregnancy is hard and some days are even harder than others.

We've had 1 visit to the doctor, 1 visit to the gynae, 1 visit to a specialist dietician and 3 visits to the hospital in the space of a week.


We have to see the gynae every 2 weeks now as well. Much earlier than the last few weeks of pregnancy than planned but be that as it may, we do what it takes.


My blood glucose levels have risen dramatically over the last 5 weeks. So much so, they are beginning to think this isn't just a case of gestational diabetes but in fact wondering if I had an underlying issue of type 2 diabetes prior to falling pregnant and it has now only been highlighted with the pregnancy. When your sugar levels are between 13 and 16 this is a problem.

Jared is growing quickly and we need to curb that in a hurry.


I've had massive diet changes over the last week. My glucose levels are still very erratic but hey I've lost 2kgs. I'm still a winner. Yesterday in hospital, my reading was 6.1 which is an all time low, considering I did eat a yoghurt prior to that which means my sugar levels were well within the normal limits. Happy doctors, happy mommy, happy baby.


On top of all of that, I picked up a proper nasty bug from somewhere. I don't know where, but it had me floored. Both myself and baby were severely dehydrated and I had hardly felt him move in 22 hours.  Back to the hospital, dripped up and medicated to the heavens. He has hardly stopped kicking since. The best feeling in the world.

I have so many pictures I want to share, but maybe I will leave that for a Wordless Wednesday and post them then. In the mean time, here are a few that I posted on Instagram. Until next time xxx

That face! I am so very much in love with this face. 

A few of my favourite little persons things

A blanket from Nana. I cannot wait for this to be finished

25 Weeks!

How can you love someone you've never met?

Today I'm blogging from the comfort of my warm bed on this winter morning with the satisfaction of knowledge that the toilet is a mere 10 steps from here. 8 if I make 'em big. My 24 weeks baked son is kicking away reminding that this will all be worth it when he is finally here.

Anybody else with vomit enducing heartburn? Mix that with a little bug and you have a sure fire recipe for disaster. I haven't been sick in weeks. It's been great. Last week was I climbed out the shower, I gagged, a little odd, but thought nothing more of it. Yesterday morning, same thing. I put it down to making myself sick from blowing my disgusting snot filled pregnancy nose. (inflamed to the power of 10 sinuses is a real pregnancy symptom. trust me)... Then I started throwing up, at work of all places with a side headache thrown in for extra measure. Went home early and crashed on the couch feeling very sorry for myself... Went to bed early, woke up to get sick and man alive, I was scared.... when your heartburn is so bad and you throw up, it burns your stomach, it burns your chest, your throat and your mouth. It just burns everything. It is rather unpleasant.

There is nothing glamorous about pregnancy. I see how the celebs and a few others do it. Just this past weekend, I had been to the hairdresser, got me some fresh locks, looking goooood. Saw my mothers neighbour.... "Oh you are looking fantastic" she said. "Oh thank you, pregnancy is wonderful" I said with a smug smile. See? I can also pull it off. But... behind the scenes, you're crawling on all fours and some days, you're just so darn exhausted (and the baby isnt even here yet) you've just mustered enough energy to brush your teeth, never mind your hair or anything else. No ones going to see you anyway while you hide out in your little baby cave.

Just the other day, S was sitting on an ottoman and I was straddling him (in a non Mills & Boon way) while he meassaged my lower back. I didnt realise how sore it was until he was rubbing that tension right out... Having a stomach puts some serious strain on you. I couldnt imagine having that all the time. Jeez. #notetoself: make sure you dont get lazy post-partum and get exercising.

I don't know why pregnancy is a real breeze for some and not so real breezey for others. Maybe their balls are bigger, who knows, but, what I do know, is that, somewhere a long the line, the roles are reversed and we wait patiently for that day. It's like gravity, physics, the law.... you can't get away from it.

Anyway, so where are we now, what have we been up to?

There are times where I could have been blogging, but I've been eating, sleeping, squirralling away baby items, getting ready for my harvest. My collection of all things cute and baby is growing by the day. Blankets and little clothes, bottles, nappies, little baby hangers. You know you're pregnant when you look at prams, cots and baby things, the same way you would eye out hot men. Sigh

We went and got the pram and cot 2 weekends ago. Damn expensive transport for a little human being. Like S says, baby making is an expensive hobby.

We have a scan coming up on Friday and then we have our 4D scan in a few weeks from now. I'm so excited for that. I cant wait to see my little boys face. I love the fact that he only kicks for his mama... it's our little thing. He responds when I tap my tummy and he hides away from everyone else. The first time I saw how my stomach moved from side to side and up and down it really freaked me out, but now I love it. Even now as I type this, my stomach has a heartbeat of it's own. I am absolutely in love and so in awe of Gods creation. There is nothing in this world that can top this! I am so in love with this little person, I cant wait to meet him.

Where are we at?

I've been struggling to write the last while, I have noticed a major change in my writing style which is also evident in the hundreds of half baked posts that have yet to see the click of the publish button. So with that being said, I am going to bullet point my way through this one. 

• BD is still away in Durban and didn't come home this past weekend and it looks like he might not be coming back for the next 2 or 3 weekends while they prepare to go live on their project. So this means a lot of weekend with little to do.

• This weekend however kept me relatively busy... On Saturday was the She is.... Grace, conference hosted by Light of The Nations church with Pushie Watson and Paula White being the guest speakers.An interesting day it was indeed and I left there with a lot of think about. Ps Pushie's message was absolutely spot on with everything going on in our lives and it left me totally blown away.

• On Sunday I drove to Jo'burg and spent the day with my parents. We went for breakfast (no eggs this time) and then went shopping for a few baby things.

• My Mom and Dad are so excited that Jared is on the way and he is already being super spoilt. Blankets and clothes and all sorts of goodies. I chose a little 4 piece onesie, legging and bib set. Since I have decided on a giraffe theme, this little set was perfect.

                                             

• I'm keeping a vigil on takealot at the moment to see when Sophie La Giraffe is on special again. I really want this want this teether. When I asked S to look online for me he saw it was R230. We should have bought it then, it's back to R329 now and I'm struggling to justify the price right now. He said he will keep an eye on it for us. Sophie, in my opinion, is a status teether and I'm quite cool with falling into that trap, I just want to do it at the right price. There is a lot of hype around this giraffe and I have seen a lot of rave reviews so I am convinced. 

• We still need to get the big things, pram, cot and changing table. I have something very specific in mind for the changing table, and have yet to see it, so will just keep looking. I would probably find that in an  antique store or similar. Maybe would be good to look there and can refurbish it if need be. This one here is about as close to the one I orginally saw:

                              
                                                                       I love this!

• I'm 20 weeks now... can't believe how time has flown. Halfway to meeting the love of my life! It feels as if it was just yesterday I was looking at those 2 little pink lines. 

                                                         

• I have another scan on Thursday afternoon and I always feel so weary as the day draws near. Some days it all feels so surreal and I can't believe it. For the longest time I believed that having a child was out of my reach and yet here I am now. We discussed the birth this weekend and although I'm not too fussed, I have been thinking about it more and more. I would like a natural birth, if possible, but my doctor is worried that it would be too stressful for me a considering my history with  my lungs collapsing and the severity of my asthma. I guess I will see closer to the time as well. I should probably start discussing it with my doctor when I see him again. 

I think that's about it for now. There are a few changes in the pipeline that I will blog about when we know more.

Will keep you posted!

Gender Reveal

I've been struggling to find the words for this post. There are no words to describe the emotions that have been threatening to overtake me since Thursday morning. 

When I wrote this post, it got me thinking. A lot. And I still stand by what I said, when people would "predict" the gender of my baby, a slight pang of guilt would stab at my heart in case it would actually be a precious baby boy and secretly I always imagined I would have a baby girl. I will not deny that.

I sat down with myself for a long time post Thursday 9:30am and forced myself to think why I discriminated (ultimately against myself) and herewith the conclusion on my thoughts: I dont think I ever allowed myself the opportunity to think what it would be like to raise a boy, since, a) I am female and thats all I know, girl things, tea parties, painting nails and braiding long hair and b) we come a family of predominantly females. IE. 8 girls, 3 boys. so it makes sense to only know girly things. 

Except.... If I have to be completely honest with you, myself and my brother are 4 years apart yet very close. We just have one of those relationships. We get each other without having to say a word. 

The two of us grew up together... building tree houses, playing army, building bunkers, playing lego, tv games etc. Boys things! Because well, I guess I couldnt really paint his nails etc. 

I used to play cricket and tennis with my Dad and brother and the neighbours. 

Basically what it boils down to is that at the end of the end of the day I do know boys things. A lot more than I realise. 

So when the gynae told me on Thursday that I this baby growing inside of me was 100% a boy, I was stunned for a second... But then thought back to 3 weeks ago when my mother and I were standing in the buffet queue and I said to her "Mom I think this baby is a boy".... I had already then been preparing myself I think. Mothers Instinct is definitely a real thing. 

All through Thursday I walked around in a daze. Not because of the gender reveal per se, but a boy can change things for another reason that I have yet to discuss on this blog, but will probably come in due time... 

Friday I was very emotional. I felt so overwhelmed with the fact that, this baby is no longer titled with, "the baby", "my child", "it" etc. 

He is now my Son. He is my flesh and my blood. 

HE is Jared Daniël Smith

Weekend Round-Up and a Quick Review (also maybe some cartoon boobies)

I was busy with a post on Thursday then got the dreaded family emergency phone call, calling me away from "work" (I say that loosely). So I'll save that one for another day and do a round-up of the last of the long weekends activities and purchases for the next 2 months (boo-hoo).

It's always nice to have an extra half a day to the already long weekend, but not when you have to spend it at the emergency room, and then the ICU. Although, I didnt actually spend it in the ER. You don't know what kind of lurgees are hanging around there, and with an immune system that is already functioning at minimum capacity I decided to send my well wishes with family and waited outside instead. I was however allowed into the ICU which brought back a thousand flashbacks of my life 4 years ago.

The guy in the bed next door was having a blood transfusion, which was quite sick and yet facinating to watch at the same time. Call me weirdo if you must.

I will say however, looking around to see every bed in the ICU was full, there was even an isolation room with someone in there that didn't move once while we were there, makes you take stock of your life and it gives you an opportunity to be thankful and grateful for your health. I'm thankful for my health and I'm thankful for the blessed opportunity I have to grow life.

Friday doesn't have much to report. I felt almost guilty for the fact that pajamas, movies and rest were the order of the day.... But, rest we did and I was all the better for it the following day.

Disappointment

Shawn and I went shopping for a camping cot and pram on Saturday. Although, we still walked away empty handed, after I said that I first want to see what there was on offer and if there were any discounted items that we might find at the Baba Indaba that was taking place this weekend. We had planned this outing for Sunday. Woke up Sunday morning and my gut told me just to check the website. Lo and behold it was cancelled.

I had joined their Facebook page a while back to be kept updated of any happenings, yet none of their posts show in my feed, so I missed the post that states 4 days before the event that it had been cancelled. Apparently I wasn't the only one who hadn't seen that post. People were furious to say the least. Driving all the way to the expo to find an empty exhibition hall. This is was also the second show this year that was postponed/cancelled. Very bad planning to say the least.

So I decided to then spend Sunday with my parents. Not before painting my nails with this sexy colour!

We met at Irene Mall, had something to eat at Mugg & Bean (the family go to restaurant), ooohed and aaahed over baby items at Naartjie Kids (As per Nana,WILL be wearing outfits from there - 16 weeks and already spoilt) and shopped for bunnies for the babies room, ate bubblegum ice-cream and then decided to drive to Woodlands Boulevard to do more shopping.

I remembered while we were out that I need more facial wash but also wanted a scrub because my skin has taken a bit of a turn for the worse over the last few weeks. It's looking very dry and I have a lot of little pimples sprouting a long the jaw line as well as tiny bumps on my neck and chest.

Review

For those that have read my previous blogs will know that I have always been a fan of the African Extracts Rooibos range and have been using that for quite a few years now. I'm also not one to change my facial products too much as it does have an adverse reaction on my skin. Rather the devil you know and all that. However, because I felt that with all the changes going on I really neeeded something different, and I needed a scrub desperately. But. there's always a but, I am not a fan of those very grainy hard scrubs, It makes my skin feel sore, red and blotchy. Then I spotted the Rooibos and Anti-Oxidants 3 in 1 Facial Cleanser from the Clicks Skincare Collection. It claims to:

- Cleanse Skin
- Gently Exfoliates
- Helps to remove make-up

Also, it was cheap as chips and was price at R37.99

Sold!

The Verdict (after one use only) 

I quite liked it. The exfoliating beads were a lot more grainy than the African Extracts cleanser, but they were not hard. It didnt feel like a was rubbing course sea sand on my skin and it felt like my face, neck and chest had a good cleaning. This cleanser is also gentle enough that you can use it daily.

I also bought the Rooibos and Anti-Oxidants travel/trial pack with a Facial Wash Cream, Toner, Day Cream and Night Cream to sample before buying the complete range and not being entirely happy with it. I probably wont be using the facial wash cream, I've never been fond of that type of cleanser. I bought it mainly for the toner and moisturisers. If anyone wants a cream cleanser, mail me and you can have it!

Note to self (and to others)

Do not drink the toner which smells just like peach iced tea. Very yummy for the face indeed. I decided to use the night cream this morning instead of day cream for a thicker coverage seeing as they my skin has been so dry lately. So far, I'm happy. A small amount goes a long way. It wasnt too thick and blending it in was a breeze and it left my skin feeling moisturised.

All in all, not a lot of money spent and still I'm left feeling suitably satisfied. Thanks Clicks.

Did You Know?

You can use nipple cream for many things other than just nipples.Yes, yes you can. I started getting this crack on the side of my mouth. Goodness knows what caused it but it was flippen sore. Nothing was clearing it and Shawn suggested nipple cream. I laughed him off and then went to Dischem to get something else. The lady behind the counter fully agreed with nipple cream and or baby bum cream and sent me on my way.

It started healing in 2 days. Can you imagine that.

Nipple cream for the win then.

Things Your Mother Didnt Tell You About Pregnancy

You've probably dreamed about pregnancy and being a Mom since you were young. You've probably sat and poured over old time family albums while your Mom explained what it was like for her to be pregnant with you. She may have hinted at the morning sickness and how tired she may have been. Then you fall pregant yourself and realise there are a whole host of details she failed to mention to you.

Let us look at some examples:

1.  You will be an emotional wreck. 

She have briefly mentioned that your emotions may fluctuate here and there but what she didnt mention is that some may flirt with the borders of crazy. I'm not talking about mixed emotions of "I cant believe I'm going to be a Mom", to, "How the hell am I going to keep a little human being alive, I can barely keep myself together" I'm talking about emotions such as:

Michelle:  Okay, I better get ready for work, I'm going to be late. Speak to you later
Shawn:  Okay Bye
Michelle:  Wow okay. Bye Then
Shawn:  What now
Michelle:  Nothing. Talk later. Maybe tomorrow again when you have 5 minutes for me

Shawn:  oooookaaaaay.

2.  Being pregnant is hard work 

While Nana is excited at the prospect of little grandchildren feet running around, she probably didnt mention that growing a baby is hard work. Hard work! It takes an energy you never knew existed to barely keep yourself standing let alone you plus one. However....

3.  Pregnancy can turn you into a raging sex-bot!

There's probably a pretty good reason she didnt mention this one, I mean, how many people want to think about, well you know.....nevermind. Some woman apparently experience an increased sex drive during pregnancy, probably because of the increased blood flow to the sexual organs and hormones etc, increasing sensitivity etc... All you Moms out there, you know what I mean. Yes yes, dont even bother to pretend... how did that bebe get there in the first place?

4.  You might snore

Actually you probably will snore. You'll probably want to activate point 3 before you fall asleep. Just saying.

5.  You might get leg cramps.

Your legs and feet will also swell. Everything below your neck will swell making you look like you are the only human being on this planet that has no joints. Your feet may not fit into your shoes at some point and all your personal grooming will probably go to pot, making your body look like Vietnam circa 1970: the jungle is overgrown, explosions resound in thee darkness and people on the homefront are staging protests and fleeing halfway across the world.

6.  Pregnancy can be very overwhelming

This one is a real doozy. Your mother may have skipped over this one as well, and for good reason too. Being pregnant is very daunting. It is very scary to sit and think about the future, whether or not you will be a good mother, whether or not you will know why your baby is crying etc. People will come with their unsolicited advice and you will want to cut them. Pregnancy will also activate every weird dream you may ever experience. I have had some cuh-razy dreams lately, like my teeth falling out and bumping into old high school friends in a government hospital who were using it as a canteen. I also dreamt that my baby was breathing and sleeping but it wouldnt wake up. Ever.

7.  You will lose friends. 

You will. It will also be more difficult to talk to friends/people who do not have children.
People who don't have children don't want to know about other peoples children. Fact.

8.  You WILL appreciate your Mother

She doesnt ever tell you this one because she secretly hopes you figure this one out for yourself and you do. Very early on. My mother and I have managed to create a bond that I could never explain to anyone else. Pregnancy can be a very lonely time at times and she is the one person you can count on ALWAYS.

9.  The bond isnt always instant

I struggled to find an attachment to this baby for the first 3 months. It started to grow a very small amount after the 12 week scan and I could actually see this little human being. Then last night I felt my baby move for the very first time. The bond was sealed from that very moment. I feeling I will remember forever. Lots of little bubbles. UH-MAY-ZING!

[Series] | Moms Budget Buys - OOTD On A Budget

I've decided to start doing a series of my cheap finds. Since I'm going to be a Mom now, I really need to relook my finances to make room for things like nappies etc. (I bought the first of my stash this weekend. It felt very weird to be putting nappies in the trolley - very weird indeed)

Since fashion and lifestyle arent really my blogging forte', I don't actually know where to begin, but begin we must, so.....

Some days pregnancy can really leave you feeing less than desirable. To be fair though, the second trimester is definitely a far cry from the first and less effort is required to look "normal".

I don't want to sound like I am exaggerating, but the first trimester was rough. It really was. I was throwing up all day, every day. I was falling asleep at work and crying one cue was becoming the norm. (I once cried because someone on Jacaranda FM won VIP One Direction tickets to their concert back in March). 

So, anyway, to try and combat the new hobo look I was sporting I decided to start experimenting more with make-up by introducing eyeshadows to my already tight time constraints in the mornings. 

(Side Note: I am certainly not getting up 5 minutes earlier to make time for eyeshadow. I'm not that much of a girly girl. I'm actually just lazy)

(Side Side Note: Although I am a girly girl, I'm not a girly girl. So I have to give credit where credit is due, My friend Elrese from Dressed In The City is a girly girl. You guys, this chick has nailed it, and I'm not ashamed to admit that I get most of my ideas and make-up tips from reading her blog - I also get a lot of my ideas from Daisy Person too) - go check them out!

I spent the past long weekend with my parents and my Mom and I went shopping for a few items to accommodate my expanding waistline. 

I uuuuuummmed and aaaaahhhhed about whether or not I should take the leopard print top back as "pattern" has never really been my thing and although I was keen for something different I was less than 50% certain I would end up feeling comfortable in such a wild (haha - proof reading this post. Laughs at own joke) choice. Then yesterday I popped into Clicks and spotted the new Hello Autumn range from Essence. I fell in love with the eyeshadow palette 01 Walk In The Park and immediately in my minds eye paired it with the leopard print top waiting at home. 

I thought why not. At R69.99. It's not a bad price and I do have another pinky nude palette from Essence at home that my mother blessed me with and I never really had any real problems with it. 

Now I hate finding negative things and then blabbing it all over the internet. I really would prefer to just zip it and keep my opinion to myself, but I've always been transparent and in the effort to remain constant I will say.... the fall out from this was horrific. It looked like I had a massive shiner on my right cheekbone. I swopped the brush I was using for the sponge applicators (which I don't normally like using) because well... I had already started and I wasnt going to wash my face and start again. Remember early morning time constraints. The sponge applicators worked much better and there was a noticeable difference with less fall out. The colour is quite pigmented, when I used the sponge applicators. With the brush, not so much.

To complete this look, I used the Smashbox Photo Finish primer (not pictured), Catrice All Matt Plus in 030 Warm Beige, Almay Eyeliner in black and MAC mascara in black, followed with a little bronzer on my cheeks,

My eyebrows need to be tamed again, they are growing like wild fire - I'm guessing that's got something to do with hormones though. #judgenot

I wear a lot of tights these days as it is definitely more comfortable around the stomach area and they really are great as an Autumn wear seeing as though I can wear them with pumps on the warmer days and dress them up with boots on the colder ones.

These (which you cant actually see) I bought as a twin pack from Pick n Pay. One black and one dark grey. I think both pairs were R99. A real steal for a Mommy purse.

The leopard print - Mr. Price (maternity section)- R89.99

Long black jersey - Chinese shop (Irene Mall, Centurion) R140

I finished the outfit off with a few black and gold accessories and a black handbag.

Long gone are the days where pregnant woman wear frumpy tent dresses and look like pregnancy is possibly the worst thing under the sun and it is absolutely possible to still look good on a baby budget.

What do you think?

             All my love

It Must Be A Boy / It Must Be A Girl - Oh Shut Up Wont You!

Todays post might ruffle a few feathers here and there, but to be quite frank. I don't give a sh*t.  One thing that pregnancy taught me early on, was that I needed to grow me a thick skin. Pronto.

There is always someone who is going to be judgemental, unsupportive, jealous, angry, sad, happy, ecstatic etc.

So we have two categories.....

1.  People who have children
2.  People who don't have children

I have noticed that the people that have children have mastered (mostly) some form of tact and they know which questions to ask and which ones to avoid.

Those (mostly) that don't have children on the other hand have no concept of the word tact.

Let me start off with.... PLEASE STOP ASKING ME IF I WANT A GIRL OR A BOY, and PLEASE STOP PREDICTING THE GENDER OF MY CHILD BASED ON WHAT I HAVE EATEN FOR THE DAY!!!!

Stop it!

It is such an offensive, presumptious, rude, mean and wrong question and thing to do.

I'm not sure when this became a thing?

The truth is, I would really like a little girl. One whose hair I can plait and hold tea parties with the teddies, one that I can dress in modern dresses and paint finger and toenails.

But if thats not the case, then I can learn to play GI-Joe and make blanket forts.

And that's okay.

Every time someone opens their piehole with their (unsolicited) gender predictions, it makes me cringe, it makes my skin crawl with guilt.

I'm blessed than most to even be pregnant. To be told less than 3 years ago "you will most likely not be able to conceive naturally"to be told your reproductive system isnt functioning nomrally is heartbreaking - and then to actually have conceived, that makes me damn blessed. So therefore, I am more than happy with either gender. So I try to remain cognisant of this fact when people are being downright rude and I try brush it off with label "ignorant". Some days it works, some days it doesn't.

It is not your place and none of your business to openly tell me what you think. I am a (mostly) open person, I mean I have blogged my personal life all over internet for the last 5 years no? I have been more transparent than most with the ordeals that I faced, especially over the last 4 years, but I do not want to discuss things we know nothing of with anyone.

The famous one I hear day in and day out.... You're craving savoury food, it must be a boy. Except, based on this post I couldnt stomach meat at all, so now what now?

I also crave chocolate. (ooooh if you crave sweet things, it must be a girl)  Some days I give in, most times I do not give into this craving because it makes me throw up. Grapes also make me throw up. Chicken also makes me puke. Some days I crave BBQ sauce and some days I crave bubblegum ice-cream on a sugar cone. My cravings are confusing the masses, what are we to do? This weekend I had something sweet (not chocolate) and something savoury and, on both occassions I threw up. So I guess it's 50/50 don't you think.

So guess away. Only the Lord above who created this life knows. Until the 11th of May that is. Hopeful that baby will show us of course.

In the mean time, if you see someone who is pregnant, shut up. Don't give them any advice, whether you're a mother or not. It's not your place and what worked for you, doesn't work for anyone else. The truth is, we may smile and nod, but we're secretly wishing you would just go away.

Dear Baby

Yesterday was full of wonder. I felt like I was being reborn in each moment.

It was just a moment ago when the second pink line appeared on that test. Just a moment ago when fear, panic, uncertainty, joy, love and excitement became real emotions.

7

It's been 7 weeks since I found out you chose me to be your Mom.
7 long weeks filled with emotions higher than the sky
7 long weeks filled with non stop vomiting
7 long weeks filled with sleepless nights and tiresome days

Worry

Yesterday you were 12 weeks and 3 days old. I was so excited but absolutely terrified to see you. The last few days especially, were very trying. I hadn't slept properly for weeks. My mind was working overtime.

10:15am

We had a date for 10:15am. Time stood still but the hands on the clock moved quickly. I waited like a young school boy waits outside his childhood sweethearts house, my palms were sweating, I was as red in the face as child struggling to breathe through the tears. I wanted to undress my warm autumn clothes and let the cool white emptiness of the office walls envelop me instead. I was scared. I was scared to endure what I had so many years ago, when I watched your sibling, bouncing in my womb, lifeless.

But then you popped up on the massive 52" screen in front of me. All of your little body. Head, arms, legs and your little heart beat. From that moment, my heart beats only for you. I wanted to vomit from overwhelming relief. You were sleeping, you were so curled up and you didn't move much, you kept your little hands covering your face, until the doctor started tapping my tummy to make you move. You only moved a little, but quick enough for him to get a picture. He showed me every inch of you and he checked your neck. I held my breath for a long time. He was happy. I relaxed.

The doctor kept asking me if I was okay. I had no words.

Only after the ultrasound and we were sitting back in his office, did it really hit me and I started crying. Looking at the pictures of you, this little little baby of mine, I was changed forever. You can end a war with this kind of love.

He told me that everything was good and that I could go ahead and let all the world know that you were coming. That you were mine, and so, I revealed you to the world yesterday.

Forever I will dwell in the magic of that moment.

[Cartoon] - Ramble

Greetings from the toilet bowl today!

So far, it's been a relatively good week in the MS department, but just because it'st Friday and I want sit and relax and do endless amounts of Sudoku and crossword puzzles in this fantastically overcast and cuddle weather.... Mother nature has other plans for me.

We're 12 weeks now, (can you flippen believe it. Time has flown by, tomorrow I wipe my eyes out and there will be a little human that needs me more than anything. SCARY) Everyone keeps saying that it should be letting up around about now. Mine only seems to be getting worse. I cant help but picture myself in 4 months time still hovering over the toilet bowl like a drone.

Right now I am feeling very very drained. Literally. This has been a very tiring few weeks.

Monday morning is my appointment with the Gynae. I'm feeling very nervous. Hopefully from next week I will be able to relax a little more and allow myself to enjoy this experience instead of being a constant worry wart. I have a few questions that I want to ask him. I should write them down though. The probability that I wont remember any of them is quite high if I don't.

I just received an SMS reminder for the appointment, Shit's getting real.

I need this weekend! A lot

Dreams

There is such a plethora of pregnancy information on the internet, it's very easy to overload the brain with unnecessary information and freak yourself out. I do this to myself quite easily.

So when I started having the most bizarre dreams, of course, my first stop was indeed Google.

I couldn't really find anything substantial to back up this weird symptom other than, blaming it on hormones. The poor buggers get blamed for everything.

I've had many dreams over the last 6 weeks. Some of them I remember, some of them I don't, some of them I do remember but then I promptly forget. Not willingly of course.

One of the recent ones was a trip to the Gynae, considering I have a pending appointment, this dream doesn't surprise me. What does surprise me are the most insane things that happened.

When I arrived for my appointment, I was left sitting up straight while I viewed the image of my baby head on. It was a boy. He was staring at me and he was struggling to breathe.

When we were done the doctor gave me a piece of paper from an exam pad with all his notes on it and sent me to the reception area to pay. A one thousand six hundred rand appointment had all of a sudden become six thousand rand. What the hell? After a massive fight with the two girls in reception, the one said "well you didn't have the massage and the pedicure so we will deduct two hundred and fifty rand"

What the ????

In the latest addition of "Michelles pregnancy nightmares" - I went to the loo and when I got there, there were 4  kit kat fingers placed neatly on the toilet seat...

Very odd, but I moved them out the way, and when I was done with my hourly pregnancy piddle, I flushed the chain and the toilet started vomiting chocolate all over the place.

I have been off chocolate during this trimester. I'm guessing this is why I would dream of chocolate vomiting toilets. Very sad for me. Very happy for my bum. This dream didn't help my slowly increasing distaste for this sweet treat.

I hadnt mentioned this to my mother and over the Easter weekend, she may or may not have shoved a Lindt chocolate bunny in my face, saying "here, eat this" - cue instant gag. #lols #lovemymother

I've been wondering if I should keep a Dream Diary for this particular time of my life, so when the chips are down, I can always go back and have a good laugh at myself.

It's probably just an excuse though to buy another notebook. You all know about my not so secret love affair with stationery.

Where are we now?

Note: It has taken me almost a week to pen this post and the baby is still 6 months from arriving. Needless to say, this, in my mind, is already setting a precedence for how things will ultimately be. My blog posts may be like my morning sickness, a lucky surprise and you never know when it might come.


We're currently at 10 now 11 weeks. 12 more sleeps and then we will be heading for our first visit to the new OBGYN.




I have decided We have collectively decided that this baby will be born at Kloof Mediclinic, so I will now be seeing one of the gynaes operating from there.
Initially it was such a struggle to find a doctor there because almost all of them, bar this one, only take existing clients. They clearly make more than enough money to be able to afford to practice like that. I'm in the wrong industry. I should have thought of gynaecology from a money perspective instead the "touching other women's vajayjays perspective."


But be that as it may, we are making headway. Up until now, I have been in a bit of a dazed and confused state, so hopefully the fog around the brain will begin to lift and I can start making some serious plans. To be fair my baby brain seems to have gotten a little better. One day I typed in my cellphone number at Spar instead of my cheque card pin at the teller. I haven't done that again. I have left my car unlocked on numerous occasions. I've double booked doctors appointments. I've walked into the work bathroom with a tea cup and I've sat at green lights.




I'm still suffering from all day morning sickness, as noted above. Most days my prayers sound something like this:


"Oh Dear God, please help me. I pray for a supernatural miracle that this 20kph traffic will speed up so that I don't have either a) puke in the car or b) puke on the side of  the road in very congested traffic" 


This week the MS seems to be taunting me between 12 and 4, sometimes even longer. Last night I may or may not have been hanging over the toilet bowl crying while I managed to dry heave and squeeze out the most bitter tasting bile that makes you shudder uncontrollably. It is not pretty.


I have, between the last post and this post, moved to Centurion. This makes me now 8.9kms from work which is a massive weight off my shoulders. My petrol gauge hasn't moved in 4 days and I can leave for work at 7:30am as opposed to 6:30am. I also get home at 5:20pm as opposed to 6pm. This helps my mood greatly.




My food aversions don't seem to be getting worse. I'm still struggling with the chicken thing and the Chinese smell in the air seems to have disappeared too. Some days the smell of fruit is enough to send me running, other days not. My sense of smell is definitely about as crazy as my ex mother in law.


Since I have moved to Centurion, I have questioned whether or not I am capable of this motherhood thing. Somewhere in the neighbourhood (right outside my bedroom window I'm sure) is a day care. There is a lot of screaming and singing and badly played piano and trumpets at times. If I have to hear so and so sitting in a tree K I S S I N G, one more time, I might lose it. Because kissing most certainly leads to blogs like this and besides, you kids are far too young to be worrying about kissing in any case.


Also I would like to state in writing, right here and right now, that this precious baby will be my ONLY child. I made this decision about 3 minutes ago when I heard the neighbours 6 year old daughter scream at the top of her lungs and in her brattiest older sister voice to her 3 year old brother "you better find it otherwise you are not playing with me" - you can hold me to this statement.

What I Know About Pregnancy

Before I even get started, and without sabotaging my own post and giving you the dreaded spoiler alert. But the answer is... Nothing. I know absolutely nothing.


I can however give you a run down of what it's been like for me so far.


1.  The ever so boring adage of pregnancy is different for everyone is true.

I am EX-HAUS-TED. Exhausted. If you give me half a second I will fall asleep. I have fallen asleep at my desk on more than one occasion. My boss even sent me home one day because I was finished. I was completely unable to function whatsoever. I've had numerous people tell me, "oh I didn't have morning sickness once" I say "oh shut up"


2.  To be very honest, for the most part, I have hardly been present during the first few weeks of this pregnancy. Probably due to many reasons, but mostly because I am completely paranoid, due to past experience. I wonder about every ache and pain.


I need to become more focused and present, I always said I only ever wanted one child. If this is going to be my one and only pregnancy, I want to enjoy it. I want to be excited. I probably will only be really excited in the second trimester though, if I must be honest.


3. You will be emotional and sometimes just plain crazy. I am emotional about a lot of things. I cry over random things. Like pregnancy insomnia. I also cry watching YouTube videos and I cry reading other peoples blogs.


4.  You will get chubby. I have gotten chubby. My butt has grown considerably in a short space of time. I think it's the bread. I do have a small belly already. Yesterday I had a conversation with a colleague and while we were all joking around I asked "is this a chubby belly, or is it a pregnant belly?" she promptly replied, it's very much a pregnant belly. (I was wondering if I would be able to hide it from my MD. I have yet to tell him)


5.  You will feel like you need to have a glorious poop... All.The.Time.


6.  You will have a variety of symptoms. Some days, one symptom a day, other days all the pregnancy symptoms of all the lands will be upon you. I want to talk about a few of them.


6.1  Sore boobs: - Your boobs wont always hurt. Not every day. Some days are worse than others, but tomorrow it is very highly likely that your boobs will not be sore in any way, questioning the very existence of said pregnancy.


6.2  Morning Sickness:-  this one is a real doozy. Whoever coined it Morning sickness, clearly had NO clue. I am nauseous 24/7. Even when I sleep. The physically getting sick part is something else.
I tried to explain it to someone earlier. It feels like I am a tube of toothpaste and I am being squeezed from the bottom up. The contents come out slowly and with great difficulty. This makes me more nauseous and then I throw up more. I don't know if it is because my digestive tract has slowed down and the muscles by the stomach and oesophagus are also more relaxed now, but it is most unpleasant. Except for about 5 minutes ago, I got sick here at work. This vomit was the real deal.

6.3 Food aversions and cravings: I don't really crave anything. Except for Steers chips and BBQ sauce. I can happily eat the sauce out the little sachet. As for food aversions, my love for Chinese food is fast dwindling because everything for some reason smells like Chinese and this is upsetting me greatly. I also cannot stomach the thought of eating chicken at the moment. The smell of KFC in the air is nasty!


All these symptoms? Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

Morning Sickness

Today I want to talk about morning sickness.


In my last post I had mentioned that I was suffering from a little nausea but otherwise I haven't had much in the way of actual morning, afternoon, evening, all day sickness.


Well now don't I just feel like a liar.


This weekend I found myself aimlessly wondering around the house from bed to fridge to couch to bed to fridge to couch, you get the picture. I absolutely did not know what to do with myself and the unbearable nausea. I couldn't decide if I was ravenous or if my stomach wanted to turn itself inside out. Sunday was the worst and where it normally subsides by 5 or 6pm, the urge to projectile across the country, stayed with me well into the late hours. After breaking land speed records to get to the toilet all I managed was dry heaving... and lots of it. It was not pretty.


The toy poms seem to be very confused with this behaviour and are constantly by my side. The look of concern on Nikki's face is priceless.


I've been trying to summarize my thoughts on the following facts:


*  Nausea
*  The actual act of throwing up
*  Dry heaving


Needless to stay, dry heaving is hot on the tails of nausea and really is pushing for 1st place. The act of throwing up, although not pleasant, beats feeling like you're on a non-stop rollercoaster with a very full yet very empty stomach.


After I lost my first child, I always vowed I would take the bad with the good. Which I am, because, well, I have no option to be quite honest. But living on flat coke and salt and vinegar crisps isn't fun or nutritious. Right now, until I go back to the gynae, I really have no choice. I'm a lot bit paranoid of just taking anything.


Morning sickness is not for sissies. This business is open and its flourishing. I just want to crawl into bed and cry a little whimper and not have to torture myself with everyones food in the office that smells like Chinese. I'm not sure if it's because 2 weeks ago we had Chinese, and now I'm sub-consciously put off, or if because if the chick in hardware sales is eating Chinese flavoured popcorn, or if it's because I am actually craving Chinese.


Although I'd really like a lamb tikka right about now

Un-Ex-Pec-Ted indeed!

You guys, babies are scary. Parenting is scary. I was always the person enviously watching from the side-line while everyone was getting knocked up and raising little families. 2015 marked the year when my Facebook feed was filled to the brim with everyone's kiddies going to Grade 1, there was even someone who sent their daughter to Grade 8!  Seriously, how far can any one person be behind in the baby making business...






Well you guys, not anymore. I don't know how it happened. Well, I do (hehe) but the whole thing is Cuh-ray-zee with a capital C.




For those of you who can remember and if you've been following my other blog long enough, will remember that back in 2013 I had the procedure of cyst removal and a D&C to rid my lady bits of all the gunk and junk that had accumulated over the years. The doctor at the time said to me that my chances of conceiving naturally are slim as I was not ovulating correctly, if at all and that I was definitely need fertility medication to assist. Sad face. But life goes on.




Then back in January 2015, I had the house break-in and was incredibly stressed at the time. This messed up an even already messed up cycle..... As life would have it, I happened to ovulate that month and I ovulated later than what I technically was supposed to and well, as they say, the rest is history.




My little bean is almost 7 weeks old... and when I was at the doctor on the 2nd of March, we were just shy of 6 weeks and measured at less than half a centimetre.



At the risk of sounding ungrateful, impatient, whatever you want to call it, I find myself often wishing the next 5 weeks away so that we are out of the danger zone... Everyone says to stop stressing, but unless you've been in this situation before, it's very very difficult. Your every waking moment is filled with thoughts and ideas, worries and concerns.




Now I do want to say this.... pregnancy in your early to mid 30's is pretty difficult. It takes it's toll for sure. I do not even want to imagine how people in the 40's and these random grandma's that have babies at ridiculous ages do it. 




I also do not have the symptoms that I imagined I would. I don't know what I thought I would feel but this is where I am at currently.




Fatigue:- you guys, tired is tired is tired. no?


NO! the exhaustion that comes with pregnancy is something that you could NEVER EVER EVER EVER describe to someone if they have not been pregnant yet. Just today alone I had a little power nap at my desk. I am literally useless at the moment. After a hard days snoozing at the office, I get home around 6pm and then snooze for another hour, then I get up at 7 because I absolutely have to feed myself and my two poor pooches who cannot for the life of them understand why Mom doesn't do anything with them anymore. If it wasn't for our basic needs I would probably sleep straight through. For the most part, I go back to bed between 8 and 8:30pm. I sleep well for 2 to 3 hours at a time and then wake up from the weirdest dreams.




Momnesia:- Also known as preggy brain.... I have that quite a bit. If I absolutely do not write everything down, I forget.


Sore Boobs:- Wowzer... I get sore boobs for the most part when I'm due to start my cycle every month, but this has nothing on premenstrual boobs.... This alone makes the thought of breastfeeding very very scary for me.
 
Nausea:- I haven't suffered from morning sickness at all, but I do get waves of nausea a different times of the day. Sometimes at 3 in the morning, sometimes between 1 and 5 in the afternoon, Sometimes between 7 and 9 in the morning.


Bleeding gums:- This is a new symptom that started about 2 days ago. Yesterday it was VERY bad. I ended up with severe toothache and really really inflamed gums. I wasn't a very happy camper and was your typical bear with a  sore tooth. I bought myself a new soft toothbrush and changed toothpaste to Sensodyn and noticed a real difference this morning already.


Pregnancy Rhinitis:- Severely! Mainly from about 4am until about lunch time I have terrible cold and flu like symptoms. I'm guessing this is aggravated by my already existing allergies which seem to be slightly out of control since I have had to stop taking my chronic medication for my asthma. It's  amazing how we as human beings actually become so dependant on popping a quick allergex here and there without two thoughts. Now I cant take anything and yet I still survive.


My asthma is also slightly out of control at the moment and I'm not happy about that. Hopefully that can be resolved on the next doctors visit.


Our next visit is on the 27th, another 3 weeks to go.


I have a lot on my mind right now. Sometimes I cant keep up with myself.


I have to move. I need a bigger place. How am I going to find an affordable place?


How am I going to do this without my Mom living nearby?


How am I financially going to be able to provide for this little person?


Do I live where I am now as I have a cousin nearby or do I move closer to work?


I don't know how to answer all these questions, but there is one thing I’m holding on to and that is HE KNOWS.  HE will provide.  HE will make it happen. HE will see me through this.  HE is the giver of all things and through HIM I can do all things!


I absolutely do not know what the Lords plan is for my life right now, but I am holding on to hope, holding on to faith.


I have no idea how I’m going to do it but I do know that He is faithful and He will work it all out. He already has no?  What He’s called us to, He will walk us through…


Thank you for sharing this journey with me! Any tips and advice will ALWAYS be welcome.