Dear Baby

Yesterday was full of wonder. I felt like I was being reborn in each moment.

It was just a moment ago when the second pink line appeared on that test. Just a moment ago when fear, panic, uncertainty, joy, love and excitement became real emotions.

7

It's been 7 weeks since I found out you chose me to be your Mom.
7 long weeks filled with emotions higher than the sky
7 long weeks filled with non stop vomiting
7 long weeks filled with sleepless nights and tiresome days

Worry

Yesterday you were 12 weeks and 3 days old. I was so excited but absolutely terrified to see you. The last few days especially, were very trying. I hadn't slept properly for weeks. My mind was working overtime.

10:15am

We had a date for 10:15am. Time stood still but the hands on the clock moved quickly. I waited like a young school boy waits outside his childhood sweethearts house, my palms were sweating, I was as red in the face as child struggling to breathe through the tears. I wanted to undress my warm autumn clothes and let the cool white emptiness of the office walls envelop me instead. I was scared. I was scared to endure what I had so many years ago, when I watched your sibling, bouncing in my womb, lifeless.

But then you popped up on the massive 52" screen in front of me. All of your little body. Head, arms, legs and your little heart beat. From that moment, my heart beats only for you. I wanted to vomit from overwhelming relief. You were sleeping, you were so curled up and you didn't move much, you kept your little hands covering your face, until the doctor started tapping my tummy to make you move. You only moved a little, but quick enough for him to get a picture. He showed me every inch of you and he checked your neck. I held my breath for a long time. He was happy. I relaxed.

The doctor kept asking me if I was okay. I had no words.

Only after the ultrasound and we were sitting back in his office, did it really hit me and I started crying. Looking at the pictures of you, this little little baby of mine, I was changed forever. You can end a war with this kind of love.

He told me that everything was good and that I could go ahead and let all the world know that you were coming. That you were mine, and so, I revealed you to the world yesterday.

Forever I will dwell in the magic of that moment.