Gender Reveal

I've been struggling to find the words for this post. There are no words to describe the emotions that have been threatening to overtake me since Thursday morning. 

When I wrote this post, it got me thinking. A lot. And I still stand by what I said, when people would "predict" the gender of my baby, a slight pang of guilt would stab at my heart in case it would actually be a precious baby boy and secretly I always imagined I would have a baby girl. I will not deny that.

I sat down with myself for a long time post Thursday 9:30am and forced myself to think why I discriminated (ultimately against myself) and herewith the conclusion on my thoughts: I dont think I ever allowed myself the opportunity to think what it would be like to raise a boy, since, a) I am female and thats all I know, girl things, tea parties, painting nails and braiding long hair and b) we come a family of predominantly females. IE. 8 girls, 3 boys. so it makes sense to only know girly things. 

Except.... If I have to be completely honest with you, myself and my brother are 4 years apart yet very close. We just have one of those relationships. We get each other without having to say a word. 

The two of us grew up together... building tree houses, playing army, building bunkers, playing lego, tv games etc. Boys things! Because well, I guess I couldnt really paint his nails etc. 

I used to play cricket and tennis with my Dad and brother and the neighbours. 

Basically what it boils down to is that at the end of the end of the day I do know boys things. A lot more than I realise. 

So when the gynae told me on Thursday that I this baby growing inside of me was 100% a boy, I was stunned for a second... But then thought back to 3 weeks ago when my mother and I were standing in the buffet queue and I said to her "Mom I think this baby is a boy".... I had already then been preparing myself I think. Mothers Instinct is definitely a real thing. 

All through Thursday I walked around in a daze. Not because of the gender reveal per se, but a boy can change things for another reason that I have yet to discuss on this blog, but will probably come in due time... 

Friday I was very emotional. I felt so overwhelmed with the fact that, this baby is no longer titled with, "the baby", "my child", "it" etc. 

He is now my Son. He is my flesh and my blood. 

HE is Jared Daniël Smith